My husband gently told me last night that it has been 6 months since I last wrote in this blog. I didn't believe him at first because it didn't seem like it was that long ago that I sat down in a coffee shop to write. Thankfully, my surprise was not unfounded in the sense that I have been going to a coffee shop almost every week to reflect, but I have forgotten that I have been writing more in my journal and less on this blog. Truth be told though, it has been difficult to quiet my heart and spend time deeply thinking and writing very much lately. Erick is well into seminary now and I am well into the rhythms of my job at the seminary, but Erick and I are still learning and adjusting to our lives here. I do wonder how different (if it is that different) it would be if we were growing together in our first years of marriage with Erick not in seminary. What we have been experiencing is all we have known, but I wonder what struggles are unique to having a spouse in seminary and what struggles are common to all marriages. I'm sure we are experiencing a good mix of both. God has been and is so good. We are daily relying on His grace to have the strength to love and serve one another. I am continually reminded of how weak I am in my self-sufficiency and how free I am when my affections are centered on Him.
One of the topics we have been discussing lately is how to grow in our spiritual intimacy. Interestingly enough, we have discovered in our first year of marriage that the way we each share, worship, meditate, pray, is often very different from the way the other does these things. For example, prayer is a very intimate time for me and I like to spend my longer times of prayer at night, before I go to sleep. Erick likes to spend his times of prayer in the early morning, before he does anything else. Erick likes to pray out loud, and I like praying silently to myself. As the introverted half of Amy and Erick, it is more difficult for me to articulate my thoughts right away and share what God has been teaching me, while Erick seems to be always ready to jump into a discussion. The differences in the way we each nurture our walks with Jesus often makes it difficult to understand or know how to grow together in our walk. The question we have been asking is, How can we now, as a married couple, share and grow in our spiritual intimacy? Especially since, in a lot of ways, we are different? This question sometimes stirs fear in me when I start believing lies that I am somehow less spiritual or less spiritually compatible with Erick because of our differences. Or that we somehow have a gap in our marriage because we don't fully understand each other in every nook and cranny of each other's life. This question can sometimes bring discouragement to both of us, too, when it seems like we have made little progress or feel frustrated at feeling not fully understood in an area of our life that is so important to us.
We are thankful, because God has been bringing a couple of things to mind as we have been discussing and praying over this question:
The first thing we have come to realize is that in our discouragement, we can forget to give thanks for our marriage. We can and need to rejoice in the union we have in Christ. There is sweet, sweet unity in the body of Christ, and a very unique oneness in the joining of a man and a woman in marriage. In marriage God has given us the privilege of demonstrating Christ's relationship with the church, a beautiful depiction described in Ephesians 5:22-33. We can rejoice and praise God for the oneness He has given us in marriage and the gospel that is proclaimed through our union. This is a privilege and a joy we should not forget! He has saved us, redeemed us, and brought us together because we are better together than apart and we are one for His glory. Our marriage is not measured by how compatible we are, and in fact, God is given all the more glory when our differences cause us to need to work on our marriage actively and depend on Him. We can give thanks for the one thing we have in common, the most important one thing that already binds us so tightly together as one: that we both call Jesus Savior and Lord! That is a beautiful, beautiful privilege and joy.
The second thing we have come to realize is that we cannot do anything without Him. Even growing in our spiritual intimacy requires God's gentle leading and guidance. Both of us are very independent and in our natural state, try and take care of things by ourselves or like to think we are in control. Erick has been navigating how to lead us as the spiritual leader of the family and he is learning that in order to be the leader of our family, he needs to be deeply abiding in Christ so that he can be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. I am learning to humbly acknowledge my need of Jesus as I learn how to fulfill my role as Erick's wife. I am also learning how to follow the way God is leading Erick, submitting with joy and encouraging my husband with patience as he continues to learn and grow in his role.
The third thing that keeps us focused on Truth is the reminder that our ultimate goal is not to be understood by the other person. We are both already fully and wholly understood by God and that frees us to serve one another, to be patient and and compassionate toward one another as we continue to learn more about one another and how we can serve God together.
These truths help guard our hearts from disappointment and discouragement as we try to navigate growing in our spiritual intimacy. Marriage has been a journey of joy and a journey of humility for the both of us. It requires constant, daily, care and constant, daily, prayer. And He has always been faithful.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. - 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24