On Finishing Things

John Piper recently wrote his first-day thoughts on not being a pastor anymore.

I’ve been thinking about how much I love finishing things. I get great pleasure in finishing — a poem, a sermon, a book, or cutting the grass, or fixing the dripping faucet, or selling our car. It’s hard for me to walk away from something half done. 

I think Piper describes it so perfectly- because I get him! While Piper is describing an end of a season, I have been reflecting on the start of this new one. During this new season of life of being a new wife and a seminarian's wife, I have actually thought a lot about how good it feels to finish things, too.  Many of the new responsibilities of this new season of life have brought to light how much I really do treasure a completed task (and in converse, how much restlessness I can feel when a task is left incomplete!).

Before I started my job at the seminary, the Lord gave us many months to settle into our home, into the city, and into our new roles as husband and wife. I am so thankful for these months, because they gave me the opportunity to learn and get used to many practical things like managing an apartment, grocery shopping with a week of food for two in mind, cooking for a husband, and decorating and making an apartment a warm home. On a particular day, while I was trying to accomplish the many to-dos I had on my list, something happened that prevented me from crossing off a big item on my list. I don't even remember anymore what it was, but I do remember that it was something that prevented me from crossing off other things on my list and that really frustrated me. I was determined to finish the remaining tasks I could, so I got back into the car and started driving to my errands. My first thought as I wrestled with my frustration was, what can I do to make these feelings go away? Immediately I thought, maybe I should pick up some materials and make a craft, or find a recipe and bake something..anything. And then I realized, to my shame, that I was so uncomfortable with having unfinished tasks that I needed to start something new, something small, just so I could finish it and experience the instant gratification I so wanted. This was my idol. The more I reflected on it, the more I could see the truth of this idol in my life, because of the new opportunities I had to fall into it in this season of life.

I started to see how much my life now is filled with things that need to be constantly invested in, nurtured, and revisited over time. Groceries can be bought, but after a week of eating, another trip to the market will have to be made. Dishes can be washed and put away, but just after a couple of hours, the same dry, clean dish will be used for a sticky snack. The living room can be vacuumed, organized and decorated, but daily life will dirty the carpet and shift the pillows. As a result, I started to bustle so much more in this new season of responsibilities, striving for the moments, even if they were short, of having everything done. I longed for a time when all would be stocked, put away, clean, and I could let go and move on to something else. A time, when I could finish something and, well, not have to think about it anymore. I also noticed that I had started and finished a large amount of diy projects during our first couple of months here. I was excited about decorating and arranging new things in our apartment, but I had gotten to the point where I would spend an entire day on a project, just so I could finish it and start another one. I just wanted to start and finish things to finish them. (Erick started sensing that something was wrong and, thankfully, he called me out on it!)

I realized, too, that this was something I had trouble with in college, too. Somewhere between first year and my fourth year, I started to see things (and sadly, sometimes my relationships with people) more as temporary, than long-term commitments. There was never any intention to hurt anyone or to deliberately move on, but I just didn't seem to understand how to maintain things for a long period of time. Maybe because I also over committed to a lot of things, and felt so overwhelmed that I didn't know how to manage it all. That afternoon, in the quiet of my own car, the Lord helped me see that the desire in my heart to have things finished or in a "resting state" is directly related to my heart's strong resistance to progression or incremental, long-term investment. Because, I realized, progression and investment take so much work. And I? In my selfish desires, just want to have the satisfaction of being done, especially when there is so much I think I have to be doing.

But the Christian life is not like that. Life is not like that.

The Christian life is a life of progressive sanctification, of growing, investing daily, walking daily, following my Savior. And relationships aren't built with one big expression of kindness, but of daily sacrifices and encouragements, weekly decisions to intentionally have date nights, of conversations upon conversations of growing trust and shared struggles. I am not done, His work is not done in me, and my goal in life is not to complete something for the sake of finishing it. It is not to exert all I have in a short amount of time, so that I can relax at the end of it, proud of my accomplishment. I surround myself with things I have to do, try to do, all on my own. Then crumble under the weight of trying to do it all, wanting to do it all, and finishing it all. The Lord calls me to discern what is best, and to put that first- Him. He calls me to let go of the things that may be good, but that which may distract me from pursuing Him. He calls me trust Him, to cease striving, to run the race, to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and to run each step well. He calls me to patience, to waiting, to the more difficult and challenging task of building persistence and endurance on the things that matter. My walk with Him is a daily trusting in His faithfulness, a daily application of His promises, of abiding in Him. I need to revisit these over and over.

The Lord used the quiet alone time in the car, a time when I had to sit still and listen, to reveal the restlessness in my heart. There is much to fix and rearrange in my heart, I know, but the Lord is already revealing so much in His abundant grace, and I am so thankful. There is so much beauty in the way He is gently pruning me, day after day, leading me to be more like His son.

And you know what is so wonderful? At the cross, Christ already finished what I absolutely cannot.

After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, “I am thirsty.” A jar full of sour wine was standing there; so they put a sponge full of the sour wine upon a branch of hyssop and brought it up to His mouth. Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit. (John 19:28-30)