All the little things about a coffee shop

When I choose a cafe to reflect and write in, I am committing to staying 3+ hours in a cafe abiding, writing and thinking about the most personal things. As a result, there are a lot of little factors about a cafe's environment that are important to me and that I notice. Things like lighting, design, table size, temperature, and little trinkets on the counters or on tables.. they all add up to an environment that can contribute to and nurture what I want to do there. An especially well-designed and inviting interior spurs on lots of creativity and excites me to stay and work longer.

Erick helped me decide which coffee shop to go to this week and his simple suggestion took me to one of my new favorite places! I wanted to go somewhere close by and somewhere new but it was hard to think of what would fall into these criteria since all the cute little coffee shops I looked up were all in downtown. We have a Heine Brothers coffee shop very close by (having a coffee shop in walking distance to your home is a beautiful thing), but we've frequented it so much that I wanted to try something new. Turns out, just a wee bit farther is another Heine Brothers with texture, design and open and airy space that resembles nothing like the one near our apartment. It has a personality of its own and I love it! There's something about interiors with light wood that gets me every time...

I spent a good 4 hours at this coffee shop, at a long wooden table near the front counter, looking out into the rest of the open cafe. The light, the colors, the cute clay mugs and pots of succulents near me, the whirr of the espresso machines, the light chatter- it was all so perfect. I left satisfied, humbled and convicted by the Word and with a few more pages of my journal filled with verses and reflections.

I'm not saying I need places like these for my devotional time or to write, but I am thankful for the way they give me joy and remind me to rejoice in Him for all the little things. :)

A little walk before dinner

On Finishing Things

John Piper recently wrote his first-day thoughts on not being a pastor anymore.

I’ve been thinking about how much I love finishing things. I get great pleasure in finishing — a poem, a sermon, a book, or cutting the grass, or fixing the dripping faucet, or selling our car. It’s hard for me to walk away from something half done. 

I think Piper describes it so perfectly- because I get him! While Piper is describing an end of a season, I have been reflecting on the start of this new one. During this new season of life of being a new wife and a seminarian's wife, I have actually thought a lot about how good it feels to finish things, too.  Many of the new responsibilities of this new season of life have brought to light how much I really do treasure a completed task (and in converse, how much restlessness I can feel when a task is left incomplete!).

Before I started my job at the seminary, the Lord gave us many months to settle into our home, into the city, and into our new roles as husband and wife. I am so thankful for these months, because they gave me the opportunity to learn and get used to many practical things like managing an apartment, grocery shopping with a week of food for two in mind, cooking for a husband, and decorating and making an apartment a warm home. On a particular day, while I was trying to accomplish the many to-dos I had on my list, something happened that prevented me from crossing off a big item on my list. I don't even remember anymore what it was, but I do remember that it was something that prevented me from crossing off other things on my list and that really frustrated me. I was determined to finish the remaining tasks I could, so I got back into the car and started driving to my errands. My first thought as I wrestled with my frustration was, what can I do to make these feelings go away? Immediately I thought, maybe I should pick up some materials and make a craft, or find a recipe and bake something..anything. And then I realized, to my shame, that I was so uncomfortable with having unfinished tasks that I needed to start something new, something small, just so I could finish it and experience the instant gratification I so wanted. This was my idol. The more I reflected on it, the more I could see the truth of this idol in my life, because of the new opportunities I had to fall into it in this season of life.

I started to see how much my life now is filled with things that need to be constantly invested in, nurtured, and revisited over time. Groceries can be bought, but after a week of eating, another trip to the market will have to be made. Dishes can be washed and put away, but just after a couple of hours, the same dry, clean dish will be used for a sticky snack. The living room can be vacuumed, organized and decorated, but daily life will dirty the carpet and shift the pillows. As a result, I started to bustle so much more in this new season of responsibilities, striving for the moments, even if they were short, of having everything done. I longed for a time when all would be stocked, put away, clean, and I could let go and move on to something else. A time, when I could finish something and, well, not have to think about it anymore. I also noticed that I had started and finished a large amount of diy projects during our first couple of months here. I was excited about decorating and arranging new things in our apartment, but I had gotten to the point where I would spend an entire day on a project, just so I could finish it and start another one. I just wanted to start and finish things to finish them. (Erick started sensing that something was wrong and, thankfully, he called me out on it!)

I realized, too, that this was something I had trouble with in college, too. Somewhere between first year and my fourth year, I started to see things (and sadly, sometimes my relationships with people) more as temporary, than long-term commitments. There was never any intention to hurt anyone or to deliberately move on, but I just didn't seem to understand how to maintain things for a long period of time. Maybe because I also over committed to a lot of things, and felt so overwhelmed that I didn't know how to manage it all. That afternoon, in the quiet of my own car, the Lord helped me see that the desire in my heart to have things finished or in a "resting state" is directly related to my heart's strong resistance to progression or incremental, long-term investment. Because, I realized, progression and investment take so much work. And I? In my selfish desires, just want to have the satisfaction of being done, especially when there is so much I think I have to be doing.

But the Christian life is not like that. Life is not like that.

The Christian life is a life of progressive sanctification, of growing, investing daily, walking daily, following my Savior. And relationships aren't built with one big expression of kindness, but of daily sacrifices and encouragements, weekly decisions to intentionally have date nights, of conversations upon conversations of growing trust and shared struggles. I am not done, His work is not done in me, and my goal in life is not to complete something for the sake of finishing it. It is not to exert all I have in a short amount of time, so that I can relax at the end of it, proud of my accomplishment. I surround myself with things I have to do, try to do, all on my own. Then crumble under the weight of trying to do it all, wanting to do it all, and finishing it all. The Lord calls me to discern what is best, and to put that first- Him. He calls me to let go of the things that may be good, but that which may distract me from pursuing Him. He calls me trust Him, to cease striving, to run the race, to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and to run each step well. He calls me to patience, to waiting, to the more difficult and challenging task of building persistence and endurance on the things that matter. My walk with Him is a daily trusting in His faithfulness, a daily application of His promises, of abiding in Him. I need to revisit these over and over.

The Lord used the quiet alone time in the car, a time when I had to sit still and listen, to reveal the restlessness in my heart. There is much to fix and rearrange in my heart, I know, but the Lord is already revealing so much in His abundant grace, and I am so thankful. There is so much beauty in the way He is gently pruning me, day after day, leading me to be more like His son.

And you know what is so wonderful? At the cross, Christ already finished what I absolutely cannot.

After this, Jesus, knowing that all things had already been accomplished, to fulfill the Scripture, said, “I am thirsty.” A jar full of sour wine was standing there; so they put a sponge full of the sour wine upon a branch of hyssop and brought it up to His mouth. Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit. (John 19:28-30)

Come, Spring

The weather here has been fairly all over the place and the only thing predictable about it is that it is unpredictable! Last Tuesday we had another surprise day of snow fall, which interrupted our continuous streak of 30 degree+ days the week prior. This snow quickly melted away by the late afternoon of the same day and the temperature has been slowly climbing back up again.Today the temperature hit the 60's, which is  so wonderfully warm and inviting after so many months of cold. There is a large group of daffodils planted near the entrance to our apartment complex that I have been watching every morning as I drive by on the way to work. They started to bloom early last weekend, drooped and shriveled the day it snowed, and today are in full, glorious bloom. I'm quite impressed by the little guys, their resistance to the cold and persistence in blooming despite the freezing temperatures makes me relieved and happy. I was so sad to see them start to wilt last Tuesday and so happy to see them pop right back up again today. Perhaps a small reflection of the life and hope in our Risen King, putting Death in its grave? :) I've heard so much talk about the gorgeous Spring season here that I'm rooting for the weather to finally settle down and the little flowers to come out. Come, Spring!

Erick and I decided to take a lovely 2.5 mile walk around Cherokee Park today! The park was highly recommended by friends and one even mentioned how beautiful the park looks in the Spring when the daffodils bloom. (Yes! I can't believe it either! It seems that daffodils grow in the wild here!) So we set off this afternoon looking for daffodils and other wildflowers, which, to our delight, were starting to cover the hills and creek beds! Pops of yellow everywhere in the midst of the dead leaves that hint at more life to come!

Lessons on Expectations

Sadly, Google Reader is on its way out, but Feedly has been my new blog feed organizer and I love it! It's visual, clean, and so fun to use. I do admit, having my reading organized in this new way does make me want to read more! :) This week I was so encouraged by a woman who wrote about her realization of the selfish expectations she had in her marriage. (Click here to read her post!)I was humbled as I realized that I also fall so perfectly into this same weakness and have had a blind eye to it for so long. It wasn't until marriage that I realized that I had so many expectations! My heart was deeply convicted and when I shared my new findings about my heart to Erick over dinner last night, a wide grin spread across his face. Erick has actually been trying to explain to me how difficult it can be when he feels like I have expectations he can't fulfill.Often times these expectations are not premeditated or even realized, but are exposed in our marriage when they aren't met. My sin creeps in when I allow disappointment to fester into bitterness. We both have expectations and we are learning that having them isn't necessarily wrong. Two different people with two different backgrounds, personalities, and ways of thinking are bound to run into many unmet expectations and misunderstandings. It is, however, wrong to let my disappointment set the standard of what is supposed to be objectively right and wrong in our relationship, and to set my husband up for failure when I have expectations that I never communicated or that end up being self-centered. We are learning that navigating through these different expectations requires much patience and grace. 

To take the woman's conclusion a little bit further, Erick and I came up with some additional conclusions of our own: I/we need to first examine to see if my/our expectations are good, neutral or selfish. If they are selfish or neutral, they may not be worth sharing at all and we need to repent. I/we also need to prepare my/our heart's response for when my/our expectations aren't met. In the emotion of disappointment, my natural and first desire is to have the expectation fulfilled for my own sake. Instead, I can seek to understand how Erick is expressing his love and service to me in his way, and be thankful. We can then decide together and communicate what serves one another. Erick lovingly shared that he really appreciates it when I tell him how I want to be served. In fact, it serves him greatly when I tell him, instead of having him having to play a game of "guess what Amy wants" because I want to be surprised. This also gives me opportunity to examine my expectations, share the ones that are good, and seek to set him up for success, and not for failure. Erick's job is not to fulfill my sinful desires and wants and he also can't read my mind! By God's grace we will grow in knowing each other and serving one another, fulfilling the right expectations, tossing out the bad ones and putting each other above ourselves, with God over all.

I'm so thankful for the blog posts I have been able to read from godly women who are daily relying on God's grace in the midst of their honest struggles! What a great demonstration of the body of Christ at work and the beauty of being encouraged by older women. There is such freedom in acknowledging weakness! Such freedom when  there is a God who saves.

A Year's Worth of Coffee Shops

For my 25th birthday, Erick gave me the thoughtful (and unconventional!) gift of a year's worth of weekly coffee shop sabbaths.  His gift was a way to encourage me to spend deep, unhurried time with the Lord, to devote a special portion of every week to prayer, the Word, reflecting, processing and writing, in an environment that he knows I love and reflect best in. He's heard me say time and time again how I would love to write more, how beneficial and good it has been for me, and he has also seen how some sort of life thing or distraction (including my own self!) has kept me from doing so. I am so thankful that, with his encouragement, I can be more intentional in devoting and protecting time to reflecting and writing again. I think I will start treasuring these weekend afternoons. :)

This is also my confession that I am frightened at the thought of starting to blog again, but also very excited because I know this discipline of writing is both good for my soul and an opportunity for me to share my Savior's grace in my life, and hopefully bless you along the way. I am also excited at the thought of being more consistent in dedicating myself to intentionally organizing the things the Lord is teaching me, in having a place to exercise and continue to foster my love of art, design, and His beauty in every day things, and a place for me to remind myself that my life is not meant to be saved up and shared in a finale of perfection, but in the daily, weekly confessions of my need of His grace in my life.

So here's to a year's worth of coffee shop sabbaths and, by His grace, more than that :) Here's to the beginning of blogging as a new wife, in a new city, a new state, and a new adventure.

July 28, 2012

Erick Loh, I, Amy Lin, give myself to you as your earthly wife. I promise to love you and to cherish you, to respect you and follow you as the leader of our family, to be first abiding deeply in the Lord and placing my ultimate trust in Him as we walk together in marriage. I promise to support you and encourage you in the way that honors the Lord and serves you, as we testify together to the Gospel of the grace of God.  I promise to put you before me, to pray for you, to trust you as you listen and lead us in the paths the Lord has prepared for us. I promise that I will be yours until death parts us or our Lord comes again.  I promise these things before God and our family and friends, for His glory to be manifested in our marriage, as a picture of Christ and the church.

Photo Credit: Akemi Furuyama

This Season of Engagement

In this new season of being engaged, I have realized that it is so easy to be self-focused. How important it is for me to meet with my Savior daily to keep me from the traps of self-centered thinking! It is so natural to think that the wedding day is "all about me" and "my day," and that everything needs to look perfect. After all, that is what the world keeps telling me, along with the the plethora of bridal magazines that somehow end up in my mailbox. It is all too easy to slip into this kind of attitude when I'm juggling vendors or stuffing invitations in my living room because as a sinner, this kind of thinking actually originates from my sin and feeds it with pleasure.

Without the daily reading of His Word I can easily slip into the slavery of self and grow anxious at what needs to be done, what isn't looking right, or even throw an envious thought while coming across pictures from another bride's wedding day. But oh, how His Word reminds me of what weddings and marriage were created to point to! The sweet, intimate and beautiful picture of Christ and the Church: our Bridegroom, Jesus, saves us, the bride, from our sinful tendencies toward ourselves and brings great glory to God, our loving and gracious Father.

Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross for our sins and for calling us Your bride. May our wedding day be a display of the wedding that is to take place when you come again and bring us Home. Sdg.

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. - Acts 20:24